Newtonmas?

It's Christmas Eve. I went last minute shopping earlier (exchanging, actually) and it seemed like nobody was out. It was odd, downtown--no one there. Then I just felt really pathetic for being out on Christmas Eve, of all things, shopping.

Goddamn consuming Christmas. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT. I hope I get some good presents.

Please let's not forget about this Man. I'm serious.


Or this Man.

I don't care? (Yes I do.)

I've typed out about three different versions of a self-analysis. I didn't like any of them because I sound retarded, moreso than now. But just clear my mind, I'm going to make a list of things to be cleared off my mind. The following are being cleared from my mind, as I have already stated:

2005
This year was the most of a year I've yet lived through. I'm not really sure if I would relive it in its entirety. This year went by in trimesters, if you know what I mean. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And wow, it sucked.

The Fast Paced School Year (Part 1)
Actually, school isn't going by fast enough (yeah it is). I am tired of most of my classes, ie chemistry, history, and I just want it to be over already. Thankfully, chemistry is finito. Unfortunately, blah blah i dont know I just want school to be over. School sucks.

My grandpa died last week. It sucks. May he rest peacefully in heaven.

The Uncertain Future
I don't really know what to expect from tomorrow, let alone next year. I just want some kind of plan, some kind of foresight or something, so I'm not so clueless. I mean, I should feel like I am in control of my life, and I'm not. Mostly because I don't do anything I set myself to do and because sometimes I just can't, not because I have no strength but because I don't have the ability of magic to end bullshit, aaand it sucks.

There has been a lot of drama lately.
The dramatron has attacked. It started out as a bit distant, got closer, got closer even more, and then bam! Smack right in my grill. I'll be completely vague, but damn, does it suck. It's like all of these feelings are in the pit of your stomach and at the last minute after they have all harvested for a long, long time, those feelings just rush out and spew out of every hole in your body. You know what I mean? It sucks.

Hopefully by just writing this, I'll stop dwelling on it and forget about it, at least a little bit.


I'd really like to lie in a pool of self pity for the rest of this year. I mean, it's not so long. I know I won't, but what if I could? I would hope to come out a refreshed Viviana, not a Viviana who is tired of her current outlook on life. After all, my name means lively, full of life. Am I lost in the meaning?